Thursday, May 9, 2013

"Just Replace 'Baby' With 'Jesus'"

South Park is normally pretty vulgar and obscene, so I don't normally watch it.  Yet, for all that, they are really quite clever and can make some pretty good points.  And while they can be pretty nasty, they are generally pretty even-handed in offending as many people as possible.  If they cut out all the sex and poop jokes, I just might watch it more.

One of their points, from the 2003 episode "Christian Rock Hard" is that Christian music is basically just a bunch of love songs, but replacing "Baby" with "Jesus".

On a level, there is some validity to it.  Like it's really comical when Christian songs that don't explicitly say "Jesus" get played on the secular radio as love songs.  Songs such as "All Around Me" by Flyleaf, or "I Can't Deny You" by POD, or "Everything" by Lifehouse.

Heck, this problem is Biblical; even today, there is debate about whether the Song of Solomon, ostensibly an erotic love poem, is merely a love poem or if it represents the relationship between Christ and his Church.

Which is probably why the difference between love song and Christian song is blurry at times; even Jesus often says "I love you baby" sorts of things, such as promising his second coming in the words of an engagement speech.

But while South Park makes a good point, it isn't literally true.  Christian songs definitely have an element of "divine romance" to them (literally the name of a song by Phll Wickham), but they aren't just love songs with "baby" replaced by "Jesus".

To prove this point, I decided to take the top 5 Christian songs from 2003, the year the episode was aired, and actually go through and replace various words with "baby".  There was some fudging in which words to replace, but overall the effect is clear: If you sang a song about Jesus to your girlfriend and replaced his name with "baby", you would come off as incredibly clingy and creepy.

Starting in at #1, it is "Word of God Speak", by Mercy Me.  Here it is, changed to a love song.
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what you would say
Word of my baby speak
Would you pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That you're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In your holiness
Word of my baby speak
I'm finding myself in the midst of you
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with you
And in the quiet hear your voice
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

I guess this one isn't that weird... besides asking your girlfriend's incarnate words to pour like rain to let you behold her majesty... and resting in her holiness...

Next up, in #2, it's "He Reigns" by the Newsboys.
It's the song of the redeemed
Rising from the African plain
It's the song of the forgiven
Drowning out the Amazon rain
The song of Asian believers
Filled with my baby's holy fire
It's every tribe, every tongue, every nation
A love song born of a grateful choir 
It's all my baby's children singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
She reigns, she reigns
It's all my baby's children singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
She reigns, my baby reigns 
Let it rise about the four winds
Caught up in the heavenly sound
Let praises echo from the towers of cathedrals
To the faithful gathered under ground
Of all the songs sung from the dawn of creation
Some were meant to persist
Of all the bells rung from a thousand steeples
None rings truer than this 
And all the powers of darkness
Tremble at what they've just heard
'Cause all the powers of darkness
Can't drown out a single word
When all my baby's children sing out
Glory, glory, hallelujah
She reigns, she reigns
All my baby's people singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
she reigns, she reigns
So "Word of God Speak" wasn't too bad as a love song, but this one is just weird.  Guaranteed to freak a girl out, sing to her about people echoing her praises from cathedrals all around the entire world, her very name, when sung by her multitudes of children, having the power drive away the powers of darkness.

Third up, also by the Newsboys, is "You are My King", believe it or not based partly on an old hymn.  Here it is, re-imagined as a love song a la South Park:
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well, your Spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be
That you, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor you
In all I do, To honor you
You are my King
You are my King
Baby, you are my King
You are my King
Here I wasn't entirely sure whether to replace "King" with "baby".  Your mileage may vary.  I initially replaced all the "you"s with "baby"s, but that was sort of forced.

In #4 from 2003, it is FFH (who I have never heard of) with "You Found Me"
I've got nowhere to turn,
I've got nowhere to hide,
And I've got no alibi,
You've been following me,
You know my history,
and no matter how hard I try,
I can't explain away,
The way I feel today,
There's only one thing I can say: 
It's you, you found me.
You found me and You called me from the wilderness,
From my cave of emptiness,
Yeah, you, you found me.
You found me in the places of my loneliness,
You told me there was more than this,
You captured me with tenderness,
Yeah, you found me. 
There was so many days,
Trying to figure out ways,
to explain what I feel inside.
I tried to fill up my soul,
without, losing control,
this desire never did subside.
I'm ready to give in.
I know I'll never win.
The hide and seek that I've been in. 
In the pit of despair,
I was all alone there.
I wasn't looking for you,
But you found me anyway.
You put your hand on face,
Then you changed my ways.
Nothing can separate me from...
Oh, you found me.
I actually didn't change a single word, because this song never says "Jesus", "God" or anything like that.  I've also never heard this song.

Last up, #5 from the 2003 charts, it's Third Day with "You Are So Good to Me":
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
And I will sing again 
You are so good to me, you heal my broken heart
You are my baby in Heaven
You are so good to me, you heal my broken heart
You are my baby in Heaven 
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song 
You ride upon the clouds, you lead me to the truth
You are my baby inside me
You ride upon the clouds, you lead me to the truth
You are my baby inside me 
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
And I will sing again 
You are my strong melody, yeah
You are my dancing rhythm
You are my perfect rhyme
I will sing of you forever 
You poured out all your blood, you died upon the cross
You are my baby who loves me
You poured out all your blood, you died upon the cross
You are my baby who loves me, yeah 
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
And I will sing again 
You are my baby in heaven
You are my baby inside me
You are my baby who loves me
The sond is basically three verses, each dedicated to a person of the Trinity.  I replaced "Father", "the Spirit" and "Jesus" with "baby".

So, that was my idea.  Take the top 5 Christian pop songs from 2003, replace "Jesus" with "baby", and see how they work.  Personally, I think it's just weird.  Calling your girlfriend your "sweet, sweet song" is probably kind of cute, but then praising her for pouring out all of her blood is sort of weird, or saying she resides in heaven or rides upon the clouds is kind of over-attached.  Talking about your baby dying and rising again and her spirit living within you, then proclaiming her your King is also kind of... clingy... to say the least.

But, your mileage may vary.  I'm actually a little surprised they work as well as they do.  I guess that was ten years ago, after all (strange to think about, especially since most of these songs are still on the radio).

To make my point further, let's consider the top five songs from April 2013.

First up is (unbelievably) "Steal My Show" by Toby Mac.  Replacing "God" and "Jesus" with "Baby"
Another cold night
Another late flight
It's almost show time, and diverse city is waitin' on me
We got a packed house, the crowd is callin' out
They want the beat to drop, but what we really need is you 
If you wanna steal my show, I'll sit back and watch you go
If you got something to say, go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show, can't wait to watch you go
So take it away 
So now the crowd is hyped, that you showed up tonight
Anticipating, craving, something more than smoke and lights
So I'll step out the way, I'll give you center stage 
Alright, Spotlight give 'em what they came for
When you arrive, we come to life
Our hearts collide, they're beating in the same time
You're coming through, all eyes on you
Our hearts collide they're beating in the same time,
Beating in the same time
No matter who we are, no matter what we do
Every day we can chose to say 
My Life, my friends, my heart, It's all yours, baby, take it away, my dreams
my fears, my family, my career, take it away, It's all yours, baby
Take it away, take it away, It's you I wanna live for
Like a lot of these, it's sort of okay, then the very last verse is way more intense than the rest of it.  Offering all your life and friends and dreams and ambitions for your girlfriend to take away is really, really desperate and would probably scare off most sane females.

At #2, it is "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin (btw, thanks to Bible translations that maintain objective pronouns, proper use of "whom" is still pretty common in Christian circles, which is cool).  Replacing "God" and "Jesus" with "baby":
You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light 
Whom shall I fear?
You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still 
Whom shall I fear? 
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
My baby of angel armies
Is always by my side 
The one who reigns forever
She is a friend of mine
My baby of angel armies
Is always by my side 
My strength is in Your name
For you alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear? 
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
My baby of angel armies
Is always by my side
The one who reigns forever
She is a friend of mine
My baby of angel armies
Is always by my side 
And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful
Cool to sing about Jesus, terrifying to sing about a girl.


Next up, #3 from last month, "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline:
Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my baby won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved 
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these 
Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open 
If not us who will be like my baby
To the least of these?
If not us tell me who will be like my baby
Like my baby to the least of these? 
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these.
So this song isn't a "I love Jesus" song, and more a "we should be like Jesus" song, so it doesn't make a very good love song.

In #4 last month, is "One Thing Remains" by Kristian Stanfill:
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains 
Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains 
In death, In life, I’m confident and
covered by the power of your great love
My debt is paid, there’s nothing that can
separate my heart from your great love.
Actually, as much as I love this song, it fits pretty perfect...

Lastly, #5 last month, it is "You Are" by Colton Dixon, replacing "God" and "Jesus" with "baby":
 When I can’t find the words to say how much it hurts
You are the healing in my heart
When all that I can see are broken memories
You are the light that’s in the dark 
You are the song,
You are the song I’m singing.
You are the air,
You are the air I’m breathing
You are the hope,
You are the hope I needed.
You are 
And when my circumstance leaves me with empty hands.
You are the provider of my needs.
When all my dirtiness has left me helpless.
You are the rain that washes me. 
If I had no voice,
If I had no tongue,
I would dance for you like the rising sun.
And when that day comes and I see your face.
I will shout your endless glorious praise.
This one also doesn't say "Jesus" or "God", so there's no "baby"s.  Telling a woman that, on the day when I finally see her in person, I will shout her endless glorious praise sounds a little on the desperate side.

Anyway, I hope I made my point.  I thought of finding my personal favorites, but that obviously introduces some prejudice in to things.  Above is a selection of very popular Christian songs by album sales and radio play.  They kind of work as love songs... from desperate, overly clingy, creepy stalker types.

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